So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
