When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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