I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
