I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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