I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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