All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
