Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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