I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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