Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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