i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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