all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
