It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
