No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
