How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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