my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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