I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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