The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
