Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
