We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
