Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
