Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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