He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
