He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
