There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
