If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
