Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
