I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
