Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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