i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
