you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
