im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
