Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
