They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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