The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
