I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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