Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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