He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
