Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
