the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
