sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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