I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
