I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
