Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
