I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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