i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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