the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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