Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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