and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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