I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
