we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
