why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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