You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
