How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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