i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You ate ashes out of my bong
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
