So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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