we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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