I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i drank out of a bidet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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