fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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