Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
