Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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