physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
