My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
please come you make the beer taste better
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
