I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize