Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
