Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
