dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My breath smells like gin and sadness
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
