So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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