This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
