i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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