she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's even glitter on my cock...
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